Day 5. A Thursday.

Thursdays are interesting, don’t you think?

To me, Thursday means it’s almost Friday. It also means my mail box will be fairly empty. And that CSI and Grey’s are on TV.

The mail thing is weird. I’m half-convinced that for the first 3 days of each week, our local post office pushes the mail out, keeping things moving, doing the job they’re paid to do at least at 3/4 throttle. And then Thursday arrives. I’ve had an empty mail box on Thursday before. It’s like they slow down, take a collective nap, knowing that Friday’s coming – the only thing that comes on Fridays is the flyers for next week. I don’t get parcels on Fridays. Or Thursdays, for that matter.

Like I said, WEIRD.

It could just be me. That’s been known to happen.

My husband is ill. He’s been this way for about 10 days, and I’m rather tired of it. Yeah, yeah, I’m sure he is, too. I’m suspecting the dreaded flu, but really? He won’t go to the doctor, so I’ll never know. Thus far: fever (here for 3 days, gone for 6, back today), chills, cough (he smokes, too), breathing trouble (he’s been trying to hide that from me!), and runny nose (this is an everyday thing, so possibly not a symptom). I don’t know. He’s sick, which means he’s whiny. Fun.

Day 4.

Alternate title: The One In Which THAT CHILD Pushes My Damn Buttons. AGAIN.

Lou. Kevin. THAT child.

ARGH.

I made the mistake of entering the dojo tonight, to watch the end of Jack’s class. Kevin was there – of course – and spotted me and Austin right away. True to his past form, this is what ensued:

Kevin: Hi! I really need to talk to you!
Me: *deer in headlights* (thinking: WTF now, spawn of satan?)
K: My mom & dad broke up. I live in town now, and we don’t have a van. So, I can’t get to karate. You have a van, so…
Me: No. I don’t have the time to get someone else to karate, Kevin. I am quite busy enough.
K: Oh. OK. Well, there goes my plan….(wanders away).

Is this kid (and probably his flaky freak mother) for fucking real??? Sorry, buddy, I am not going to become responsible for getting you to karate. You’re not my kid, your mom is not my friend, and my kid wants nothing to do with you. Try someone else.

Animals. AKA Day 3.

No, I’m not talking about my offspring. Although, their behaviour of late leads me to believe something along those lines…

I love my animals….the dogs, the cats, the occasional kitten. But there’s a crappy side to pet guardianship: when things go wrong, medically speaking, I have to make the decisions.

Last weekend, I finally took Wiley in to see about the large lump on his side. It’s been there since…what…May? March? Jesus, I don’t know. It’s not bothering him, he’s still acting like himself: eating when Goldie will let him, sleeping on couches because he’s spoiled, and wandering when he thinks we’re not looking. He hasn’t so much as licked it, and this is a dog who likes to lick the carpet.

The vet did a quick aspiration of the lump, and confirmed what we thought: fatty lipoma. Jack was with me, and wanted to know what that meant. I told him it was sort of a junk pile for fatty cells in the body. She then convinced me to get him a rabies shot…to say that he was “overdue” is rather an understatement…..he’s 10, and he was neutered 9 years ago. That’s about the time he had his last rabies shot.

$93 later (I am SO in the wrong business), I was at the front desk, making an appt for Goldie. It’s time. The big decision. Euthanization.

GAH. I hate that it’s MY job. HATE.

I’ve been wrestling with this one for the better part of a year. Ever since she started peeing in the house almost daily last winter. She was pretty good through the spring and summer this year, but she’s back to peeing in the house again. And unlike the neighbour’s dog (Elmo), who has sleepovers here almost every weekend, she’s unable to pee anywhere but on carpet. Ewwww.

In addition to the peeing is the weight loss, the crazy-high water consumption, and the fact that she regularly falls down the stairs while going outside. Yes, it’s time. I just wish I didn’t have to be the one making the decision and facing that appt next Saturday.

Being an adult really sucks some days.

Day 2

Look at me go. Two days running!

I had a little chuckle to myself while in the checkout line at the grocery store yesterday. One of the gossip rags was front & centre, and in bold letters across the top was the following headline: A Gosselin-Free Issue!

Huh.

I suppose it’s possible highly fucking likely that someone might buy that rag just because America’s favourite dysfunctional family ISN’T featured. My, how far they fall. (the cover featured one of those Kardashian girls instead….someone tell me WHY they’re famous, exactly?)

I admit, I’ve been watching the train wreck. I read several gossip blogs – my personal vice, you could say – and I’ve kept up with the roller coaster ride that is the Gosselins. As much of a bitch as Kate seems, Jon’s douchbaggery (LOVE this word!) is something to behold. Talk about throwing off the chains of a harpy wife and 8 kids! Way to take it to the gutter, man.

It does amuse me that once the network made noises about cutting the “Jon” part of the show, he suddenly grew a conscience about his kids. Who does he think he’s kidding?? Dude thought, “Oh, shit. The money train is dumping my ass in Buttfuck, Nowhere, and going on without me?! THIS CANNOT HAPPEN.”

Idiot.

Day 1

NaBloPoMo is upon us again. Happy November.

The nice thing about this challenge: I usually manage to post daily.

The shitty thing about this challenge: OMG, I’m expected to post DAILY.

So. October is my favourite month, but I’m glad it’s over. I got way too busy, as usual. The class trip was a highlight, despite the rain on day 1, the 7 girls I had to chaperone, and the fact that I was too dumb to take my husband’s lovely rain coat.

The girls were really great, but seriously? AM SO GLAD I HAVE BOYS. Boys do not come with built-in, capital-D, Drama. It’s lovely.

I’m off to vegetate for the remainder of the day….dinner is in the oven, pumpkin seeds have been roasted, and I feel the need for some lethargy.

What have I done?

Tomorrow morning, I will board a school bus with my son’s class. That bus will head 2 hours north to a Forestry Camp, where I will be expected to a) chaperone a cabin full of girls, b) be a team leader in all sorts of outdoorsy activities, and c) survive this without the aid of my little friend called Vodka.

Wish me luck.

Of course I did.

Steal the meme, that is….thanks to someone who is now anonymous…it’s VERY difficult not to refer to her by her last blog name. Urgh.

1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? Yes. His name may or may not be Lou. His mother can go too.

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? The usual way…with the handle. Unless it’s one of those damn auto-flush things.

3. Do you wear your seat belt in the car? Always. I feel nekkid without it.

4. Do you have a crush on someone? Nope.

5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. Money. Toilet paper. That’s two, but really, they’re equally important Chez Refinnej.

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? No damn clue. I think some idiot said I looked like Winona Ryder, but really? Not so much.

7. What is your favourite pizza topping? Feta cheese.

8. Do you crack your knuckles? No.

9. What song do you hate the most? This stupid little thing Jack keeps singing. It doesn’t even have a name, other than That Song that I HATE.

10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? No. I am suffering from a serious CRAFT moment – can’t recall the song, just know I HATE it.

11. What are your super powers? Accents. I understand them, I can replicate them. It’s kind of fun.

12. Peppermint or spearmint? Neither. Mint makes me sneeze.

13. Where are your car keys? In my purse.

14. Last song you listened to? Cha Ching, by Hedley.

15. What’s your most annoying habit? picking at my cuticles. It grosses me out, and yet I can’t stop.

16. Where did you last go on vacation? Ontariario. Yes, it’s a vacation – I didn’t have to scoop cat shit once.

17. What is your best physical feature? My eyes. I’m sure my husband would have a different answer, but this isn’t an x-rated meme, now, is it.

18. What CD is closest to you right now? Uh…there’s a whole damn rack above my head, but the closest if probably the Killers (Hot Fuss).

19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Milk. Cheese. Condiments.

20. What superstition do you believe/practice? I have this thing where I have to tell my family to “drive safe” when they’re going on a longer drive.

21. What colour are your bed sheets? Cafe au lait.

22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? Bird.

23. Last thing you broke? My younger son’s heart, just a little. I’m leaving on a 3-day trip with his brother, and he’s very sad.

24. What are you having to eat tonight? I had chicken souvlaki at a restaurant that usually manages to piss me off….they didn’t tonight!

25. What colour shirt are you wearing? Blue.

26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? Sleeping.

27. Do security cameras make you nervous? Sort of.

28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be? Er…see the title of my blog. That’d be it.

29. Last time you went to a cemetery? Dunno. A few years.

30. Last concert you went to? I have no idea. I’m old.

31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you’ve seen in concert? Lenny Kravitz, AC/DC

32. Next concert you’re planning to attend? Uh….

33. Do you talk to yourself? All the damn time.

34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? No, although I have 2 dogs and 5 cats. Between the free to a good home dog and multiple fosters that just never seemed to leave, we have never paid for an animal. The other side to fostering comes to light….

35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? No.

It’s good to have dreams.

In a perfect world, I would have several clones of myself.  They’d do all the hard stuff, leaving Original Jen (OJ) to lounge about, reading and eating bon bons.

Clone #1 (CJ1):
She’d be the one assigned to deal with the kids. She’d be nicer than OJ, and would never take out her bad days on them. She’d be the mom who bakes cookies, plays lego, and isn’t too busy to go on every field trip imaginable.

CJ2:
She’d be the one who would deal with all the difficult stuff. The things OJ dreads doing. Like the vet appt for Wiley, who has a large (and growing) lump on his side. She would be able to decide if Goldie needs to be put down, something that OJ is really struggling with.

CJ3:
She’d be the one who ADORES housework and is a natural DIY’er. She’d re-roof the house, fix the foundation, drywall and finish J’s room, and be happy about it.

CJ4:
She’d be the one who gets to go to work every day. She would work 12 hour days without tiring, shun lunch breaks, and leave all the fun work stuff for OJ to enjoy.

CJ5:
A spare. Because damn, if one of the first four CJs stopped working, OJ would need a backup.

October – now with bullets!

• It has snowed THREE times this month, including today. Driving was an absolute joy this morning.
• Having one’s birthday fall on Thanksgiving is much less fun when one is an adult. As a child, it mean TG dinner/birthday dinner/birthday party in one weekend and one year it resulted in somethink like 4 cakes. Now? Not so much.
• Of course J is sick today. I have the day off.
• I really do feel better when the house is clean. Actually, it’s the garage that helps most – I can feel myself tensing up when I walk through it and it’s horribly cluttered.
• My birthday present to myself this year? Not doing a DAMN thing all day long. Including getting dressed, cleaning or cooking. Woo!
• We finally uninstalled the AC unit yesterday.  It’s been -10C for days now….I think it was time.
• There had better be no snow on H’ween.  That would suck.
• A told Lou/Kevin off at karate.  I am SO PROUD.  He didn’t even swear at him, something I would have been totally fine with.  (yes, am bad mom)
• Lou/Kevin then informed me at the next karate night (A was absent) that it’s “just a phase” and maybe “we’ll be friends in time.”  Wow, kid, way to parrot your crazy-ass mother.
• J is whistling away in my room.  Methinks he’s recovering from his fever nicely.

Later.

This is not happening.

Lou is back.

Ok, his name isn’t Lou. It’s Kevin. And he’s BAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKK.

I’ve posted about this awful child before. I haven’t seen him in over two years, and I have had the same exact reaction to him as before. Run. Away.

I rejoiced when Austin decided they shouldn’t be friends. I was over the moon when he moved away.

And now Kevin is back.

He’s in Austin’s karate class two nights a week. Thankfully, he’s at a different school this time around. But still. I may not survive.

Last night was pretty much a rerun of EVERY other Lou/Kevin incident I can recall:

L/K: Hi, Austin’s mom!
Me: Uh. Hi.
L/K: (to A) How’s my long-lost buddy?!
A: Uh. I have to…uh…go…do something else.
L/K: Austin’s Mom, I really want to have a sleepover, but I can’t remember your guys’ phone number.
Me: Mmmmm….
L/K: I thought Jack was Austin before. They look exactly alike, don’t they?
Me: Um, no. They don’t. Gotta go.

I told Austin to deal with him however he saw fit. Austin’s friend was with us, and wouldn’t utter a work to Lou/Kevin…..he remembers him, too.

Austin tells me he told L/K they’re not friends, and to please leave him alone. Something tells me that won’t be the end of it. Sigh.