Lest I be accused of non-parity in the photo department…

Grumpy Jack:  Morning Version

Timeline of a cast.

Sunday

Older child falls off bike, injures wrist.
Complains enough to warrant a trip to the ER.
Doctor at ER reviews x-ray, pronounces it a strain, sends child home with orders to rest the wrist.

Monday - Wednesday

Complaints come & go from older child.
Wrist seems ok.
Child is upset about missing track & field (high jump) practice.

Thursday

Child trips over soccer ball at practice and re-injures wrist.
Cold pack = relief.

Friday

Mother of child receives voicemail from ER doctor, asking her to call back to discuss x-ray results, and wondering if child has seen primary physician and if he has a cast yet.

*pause for WTF moment from child’s mother*

Saturday

Child sees doctor from family’s regular practice, doctor seems unconvinced of actual break in wrist.
After second, harder look at x-rays, doctor admits there might be something there.
Doctor realizes child is 9 and very active. Recommends cast.
$40 waterproof cast (aka Mom’s Sanity Saver) is applied at noon.
Child is happy.
Mother is happy.
Wrist is not sure what the fuck happened.

Oh. Shit.

The probability of a freshly-laundered GameBoy Advance SP recovering any function: 1 in a bajillion (give or take a kajillion)

The probability of my 5 year old crying his little heart out when he discovers his toy is dead: Um, yeah. It’s going to happen. Don’t take the bet.

The probability of him being over the damn moon when he discovers mommy & daddy, courtesy of Future Shop gift cards, have upgraded him to a DS? Again, going to happen. Not a good betting day around here!

Now to figure out the timing of the new DS his big brother is sure to covet. Oy.

Truly a Soccer Mom.

I swore that I wouldn’t coach again this year. Yet….I’m coaching Jack’s team again. With the same co-coach as last year, since we get along well and our kids adore each other. Saturday was (finally!) the first day of soccer. No snow in at least a day or three, and some intermittent sunshine. Woo!

My day looked something like this:

9 am to noon: SOCCER
noon to 1:15: feed children
1:30 to 3:45: SOCCER

Oy. Not every weekend will be like that, thankfully. I had to be there early to distribute t-shirts for my U5 division, and then our U6 team had 2 games back-to-back. I took my co-coach’s kids home for lunch, and returned for Austin’s game at 1:30 (in the rain, ick) and his buddy Ainsley’s at 2:45 (sunny again).

I got a bit of a workout, seeing as we have semi-real games this year. I reffed the games with the other coaches, and spent 1/2 of each game being the ball thrower-inner/game starter. The kids were pumped and had a blast, scoring several goals on both sides. And watching Austin play in the afternoon was like watching a different kid. He’s gone from ignoring the ball and half-heartedly running after it to actively seeking the ball and moving it around the field quite well. I am SO proud of him!

Only in my neck of the woods…

….is it possible to follow up the “I hate snow!” post with a report on my sunburn. Yes, indeedy. I have a sunburn. My left arm and the left side of my upper chest took the brunt of it - perhaps sitting my chair to read a book and watch the fire die down was not the best idea. I spent part day burning dead trees (something else that’s getting old), but for once it was sunny. And warmish. The kids were their ever-helpful selves, which means they rode their bikes, brought out all the big toys from the backyard, ignored my requests to help, etc. You know, the usual. D didn’t make it home this weekend, so I could only do so much. He is in charge of the chainsaw; although I can use it, I certainly can’t start the damn thing.

Miss Fat Dog took an unscheduled trip to the vet yesterday. She has calluses on her elbows, mostly because of her weight. She lays on the floor, which puts pressure on them, blah blah. Well, one of these calluses has been damaged, and she bled all Friday night. Not much, but enough to stain the bedroom carpet, and enough to make me worry. She was not thrilled to go to the vet, but she survived. Of course, I got the vet call, and he used that slightly condemning tone that some doctors and vets seem to master. Goldie “has to lose weight”, should “sleep on a softer bed” and “is in dire need of a dental cleaning.” At the risk of sounding like a heartless bitch, does he really think I’m going to drop $300 on a dental cleaning for a dog that is likely at least 11 years old? Oy. And the weight thing. Well…she’s currently 97lbs, which is probably 20-30 lbs less than when she first came to us. I have tried to walk her, but it breaks my heart to see the stress it causes. Yes, I know it would get easier if I kept the walking going, but it’s hard enough to find time to walk myself, let alone a dog. And the softer bed? I made her one, and she won’t fucking lie on it. She likes to be as near to me (or D) as possible, which means the floor is it. Her new bed of pillows & blankets is right next to my bed, but she is making a point of cramping herself into the spaces left beside it. I think it’d be pretty tough to teach her to sleep on the bed….she wouldn’t even get on it for a treat!

So. I’m going to be a bad dog owner, and let her cruise for a while. The best part of this is that her bloodwork came back totally normal. No kidney issues, no diabetes, etc. I was actually a bit surprised by that one, but it’s good news. For now, she’ll continue as usual. I’m going to try & walk her as often as possible - just up & down the driveway should help (it’s 100 metres long).

Damn. Gotta go. Kids are in the tub, creating a new mess for me to clean up. Little do they know that bedtime is 8 minutes away.

Snow, inappropriate words, and the longest bus ride ever.

Last I checked, the calendar said April. I’m right, aren’t I? Unfortunately, Mother Nature seems to be on vacation - somewhere warm, I’m sure - and Old Man Winter has been able to hang around like a nasty cold. I’m REALLY tired of winter. Especially the SNOW. Oy.

Our trip to Calgary last weekend was great, aside from all the sitting my ass got to do. 11 hours to Calgary, sitting on the bus. 9 hours at the competition, sitting on a crappy chair. Another 11 hours home on the bus, sitting once again. My ass went numb in ways I never knew were possible. I’m convinced it’s a little flatter than before - luckily it’s fat enough that it’ll come back.

Austin did well in the competition (no medals), and wants to go again. I even managed to watch him in kumite (contact sparring!), which he enjoys.

I’ve been sleeping a lot this week. 8:30 is the new 11 pm, at least for me. Must be the WEATHER, my new scapegoat for all things annoying.

I just have to share a Jack funny from the other morning. He was looking for one of the cats, and decided that calling out, “Here, pussy! Come on, pussy!” was just the thing to get her attention. I was slightly amused, up until the following came out of his mouth:

“I like pussy. Here, pussy!”

I dare you not to laugh.

OY.

Once again, the month of April is kicking my ass.

Too much going on, not enough time to do it. Tonight is packing and phone calls. OMG, the fucking phone calls. I am coordinating two divisions (yes, am dumbass, thanks for the reminder!) and trying to be perky! convincing! and persuasive! in suckering other parents into coaching. Going semi-well thus far, but for all the sucky-ass voicemails I’ve left. One division is teeny, with a mere 3 teams, so it’s not that bad.

The kids & I are off to Calgary tomorrow for A’s karate tournament. Woo! He’s so freaking excited. I’m looking forward to the tourney, but not the 12-hour bus ride (the club chartered one because it was easier) with all those kids. And several parents I barely know. Thank god my good friend and former daycare provider will be there.

Wish me luck.

A stellar day.

It’s Friday, which is always nice.

My niece was born today. Yes, a GIRL!!! To love & spoil, something I do very well. I feel for my sister in law, though - she had an experience much like mine with Austin. Many hours of labour, followed by the dreaded c-section. I so know how she feels right now: LIKE SHIT.

Austin is at a rock concert. Yes, we have those in Buttfuck, BC. Fancy that! Jack & I went out for a fancy dinner at A&W, then went browsing at the clothing store. I got him & A some new undies - boxer briefs all the way - and we came home. Spent a couple of hours indulging my inner pyromaniac (muahahaha) and taking care of some of the damn forest that is laying on my front lawn. Argh.

Funniest moment of the day, while driving home from town after dinner & ginch-buying spree:

Jack: I wish I was 20.
Me: Why’s that?
Jack: Because then I could get away from YOU! (giggling)
Me: What?! Why do you want to leave me?
Jack: Because. You don’t buy me TicTacs. (laughing)
Me: OH. Well. I guess I could sometime. (laughing)
Jack: OK.

He’s a pill, but a funny pill.

The Talk.

Austin & I had THE TALK tonight. The one about reproduction, body parts, periods and masturbation (I bet this will get google humming, lol). Overall, it went pretty well. He was a bit skeeved by some of it, but he’s a cool kid, and he actually listened. It helped that I started the conversation in the van, where he couldn’t escape.

Hee.

I gave him some ground rules, and I’m sure I’ve missed some things, but they’re a good start. They are as follows:
1. Wear a condom. Period. End of story.
2. Do not have sex because “everyone else” is doing it.
3. Do not ever pressure a girl into having sex.
4. Ask questions if you don’t know something. (Yes, I’m your mom, but I’m ok answering questions of almost any kind.)

D would be so horrified by this conversation. My husband, the sex-starved closet prude. I swear, the man wouldn’t have told the boys the correct body part names, and they would have been talking about their hoo-hoos into their teen years. Give me a break. It’s a penis. Now I’ve done him a favour, removing the need for him to have The Talk with at least one of our kids. I don’t plan on talking to Jack (unless he asks) until he’s older. Especially since his reaction to knowing Austin was going to have The Talk with me was this:

A. Tell teacher - and possibly entire K class - that his brother is going to have to talk about SEX.
B. Tell all daycare staff AND kids (in out of school program) that his brother is going to have to talk about SEX.
C. Tell neighbour boy (teenager that babysits them) that his brother is going to have to talk about SEX.
D. Laugh manically while telling everyone and anyone that his brother is going to have to talk about SEX.

Yeah. It’ll be a while.

Travel With Children.

OY.

My youngest - aka Mr. Intensity - has issues with dentists.  Could be something to do with the abscess/sore and subsequent biopsy at 20 months, or maybe the removal of the tooth right next to the abscess/sore at 33 months, or perhaps the pink glop they used to take a new dental impression (kid should never have pulled off his damn spacer!) at 4 years of age.  Doesn’t matter - he’s officially saddled with issues.  He has 4 small cavities, and in order to have them filled, we need to visit a pediatric dentist.  I’m sure one can imagine how many of these are hanging around our little rural piece of BC.  Yeah, exactly none.

So, because I love him and am made of money (ha), we scheduled an appointment in Langley.  I got up at 4:45 yesterday morning, hustled the kids into the van by 5:50, and hit the road.  It’s a nice time of day to drive, aside from the fact that I couldn’t stop yawning, and got caught behind one too many 18 wheelers on big hills.  We arrived in Langley 2 hours early - yes, it’s possible that my foot is made of lead - and killed time by shopping.  Fun for me, torture for small children.

I rewarded them with McChuck’s (avec Play Place, the real reason we go there), and they were fine.  The appointment went well, and Jack will only require light oral sedation and laughing gas for his fillings.  Which won’t be done until the end of May, because my schedule is too fucking insane and I have a trip a month right now.  Oy.

Then it was off to that Swedish place to meet up with my seestor, and back to grandma & grandpa’s for a nap.  Said nap almost made me miss my girlie night with some wonderful women, but I made it.

The best part of all of this is that Jack is now ill.  High fever and choking croupy cough ILL.  Poor guy didn’t have a great sleep, but he’s showing signs of improvement this morning.