Winter’s joys know no end.

Today is cold.  Holymotherofgod cold.  It hit -30c overnight at our house.  This equates to rock hard van seats, frozen nose hairs in under 1 minute, and tires that feel kind of square and bumpy when you drive down the road.  For me, it also means I lose my mind - brain cells are frozen? - and bury my van in the small unplowed portion of a friend’s (plowed) driveway.  I am a talent.

*takes a bow*

At one point, I sincerely believed a tow truck would be required.  But no, we women saved the day and dug out the MomVan.  Have you ever gotten a sweat at -30C?  It’s not pleasant.  Hell, at least I got a workout.

At last, an idea I can really get behind.

Christina has the right idea: Un-Resolutions.

I’ve been sitting here tonight, thinking I should post something - profound or otherwise (aka the Usual Dreck) - and then I stumbled upon her list. A list to which I can fully relate.

I don’t make resolutions, because I fail to see the point. There are many things on my mental to-do list that I’d love to accomplish, but the fact that January 1st has rolled around doesn’t change them. Hell, it doesn’t even emphasize how little I’ve done to attain them in years past. My list would include the usual suspects: lose weight, be better pseudo-single parent, pay off debt, do some home DIY, blah blah blah. My inner self berates me quite regularly about this shit. That self laughs at resolutions.

Special K & I had a wonderful chat tonight. If I haven’t mentioned it lately, K, I am so grateful you are my sister-friend. Who else calls just when I’m having a moment and says she loves me? Who else worries about me and the current situation I’m in?** Nobody does it quite like you, K. And I can’t thank you enough. You didn’t laugh when I mentioned I think I may need to talk to my doctor about a few things. Specifically, I seem to be perpetually angry with my kids (and they’re just being kids), I don’t have a lot of adult backup available, and I’m stressed to the point of no longer enjoying certain things I once did. So, maybe it’s time for some intervention. Who knows.

In 2008:

1. I will not feel guilty when my blog is neglected. My handful of readers (hi) would expect nothing more.

2. I will not stop procrastinating. About anything, everything, and whatever I want.

3. I will not stop saying NO to further outside commitments (some asshat tried to convince me to run for school trustee next fall. HA! I say).

That’s it for now. Can’t think of more.

**My mom & sister probably do, but they’re required to.  It’s a family thing.

Christmas, Part 1

We had a lovely Christmas.  It was so quiet, even with the kids spazzing over their gifts.  Just the four of us (and the dogs) at D’s place, jostling for couch space and chair privileges.  Even Wiley gets in on this - he’s the dog who is mortally offended at the suggestion to “lie down on the floor.”  His solution when the couch and chair were occupied?  Sleep on the bed.  He’s getting old(ish), so I’ll let him have his little comforts.

The kids were spoiled by the outlaws, and, to a lesser degree, by us.  D seems to think they got too much from us, but really, I didn’t go crazy.  I shopped sales, and managed to stretch the money.  No crazy-big gift this year, either.  I think we’ll get a Wii sometime in 2008, though.  The Xbox is ok, but it’s from Microlimp.  My general thought process with them is “cool, but too bad it’s not built to last.”  If we do get a Wii, it’ll be purchased well before Christmas - I’m not up to fighting the crowds.

D will be home on Sunday, and my parents are coming up the same day.  Christmas Part 2 is scheduled for Sunday night (I think).  I’m sure it’ll be more of the same:  too much food and some spoilage of my children.  Woo!

A little bit of Christmas.

These are my babies. Gack.

Austin is a full head taller than his weekend/next door best friend (who is several months older). Hell, Jack’s almost the same size as the weekend/next door best friend. I really hope I’m right in assuming they’ll be tall men.

Anyhoozen, I’ve baked butter tarts, made confetti squares AND rice krispy whatnots, and the spirit, it has overtaken me. (no alcocohol, even!) I am going to create a lovely Christmas CD tonight and sing along with every. damn. song. on the way to D’s place tomorrow. Wish me (us) luck. I’m loading the Momivan with 1 adult, 2 children, 2 dogs (one oversized), too many damn presents, a huge cooler and 2 (maybe 3) boxes of food/essentials, the vacuum, and some luggage.

May you all have a lovely Christmas (or whatever you may celebrate)!

He’s an artiste.

Jack’s school-made Christmas gift to me:  macaroni art.  Specifically, gold spray-painted macaroni, glued to a lovely paper plate, with the centre cut out and replaced with a photo of him.  A photo in which he looks too goddamn grown up to be MY baby.

Wah.

Last night was the Christmas concert, and I must admit, those cute little cherubs went a long way to giving me some of the holiday spirit.  The first group was the band, and it was mildly painful, but they certainly get an A for effort.  The littlest kids (J included) were the cutest - French songs, holiday favourites, they were all there.  Jackson’s class did a “What Christmas is” countdown, and his partner was absent.  So, in front of a packed gym (600 people?), he stood up proudly, and delivered his line like an old pro.  Not a lot of stage fright in my kids.  Austin’s class did two fun/funny songs, complete with props and actions - they were a huge hit.

Yes, you may point out the obvious:  I am completely & utterly biased about my children.  That’s how it should be!

In other news, it’s really fucking cold here today.  We’ve been hovering at the -5C level for days on end, with no new snow.  Last night it dropped 20 degrees.  Thank god I plugged in the van.

BRRRR.

Blah blah Merry whatever.

I’m trying, I swear.  The Christmas spirit has abandoned me this year.  It shows up to say hello, and then it’s gone again.  Sigh.

No tree in my house.  Going elsewhere for Christmas.  Worrying about money.  None of these are helping!

I’m not sending out cards this year.  It was just one more thing stressing me out, so I dropped it.  Of course, this is the year I get a card (and lovely note) from the parents of my HS best friend (the one who died at 16).  I think I’ll write them a letter.  And then go to see them in February when I have to take Jack to the pediatric dentist*.  It’s been years, and I miss them.

*Jack has two small cavities, and given his dental history, the odds of our family dentist being able to fill them without drugging and restraining the child are somewhat akin to Miss Britney getting her shit together and acting like a normal fucking person.  Yes, it’s that impossible.  So we’ll go to this specialist - thankfully not the same one who pulled his tooth at age 3, he was a lecturing jerkoff - and pay 20% more for the privilege.  But hey, they can sedate him and it will go smoothly.

Awkward pause.  Brain flitting off somewhere to do…something.

Am back.  The children are driving me nuts, especially the small one.  I am having a difficult time liking him right now.  EVERY little thing requires a whine or some tears.  He’s taken to calling himself “dum dum” and “garbage head” when I correct him.  And I swear, even though I lose my shit and yell sometimes, it’s only after several attempts to speak to him nicely.  They’re getting better in the morning, aka The Time Mommy Does Not Wish to Speak.  I’m awake, and I like mornings, but damn.  Talking just ruins it.

Our neighbour, the one I tend to dislike on principle (ever since he left his wife, my friend, and acted like an utter asshole), has been nice enough to arrange to have our trees (or at least a good portion of them) dropped on Friday.  I hope the guy  manages to get rid of at least 30-40 trees.  The best part is that the neighbour and another friend of ours are going to make sure the driveway is clear, and remove most of the trees for firewood.

Not much else is new, really.  Trying to finish up my shopping, and make a list of all the shit I have to haul to D’s place for Christmas.  So exciting.

So many levels of Wrong.

Just before dinner last night, I had to run to the grocery store for a couple of things.  At the end of their street, I happened to glance across at the houses, and got the shock of my life.

Someone was putting up a Christmas tree.  On NOVEMBER 11th.

It’s bad enough that the goddamn stores are playing carols already, and everyone has their Christmas crap out in full force.  I fail to understand what would possess someone to put up their tree so fucking early.  Seriously.  What’s next?  Halloween in August, and Christmas trees in September??

My lameness knows no bounds.

Visitors/guests at my house in past 2 days: 0

Drinks consumed on Official Liver Abuse Evening (aka NYE): 1.2 (#2 is mocking me from the coffee table. I want some milk instead.)

Loud music played to annoy too-far-away-to-hear neighbours: none.

Excitement: NONE.

Ask me if I care. I don’t. Hee.

The All-Time Bad Gift List.

I’m sure there have been some…ahem…less than stellar gifts that I’ve received over the years. I’m blanking on them at the moment, though.

After hearing what my friend received from her MIL, I have decided she gets to wear the crown of Bad Giftitude for at least the next six months.

It’s bad.

Reallllly awful, in fact. (Her son thought it was a gag gift.)

My friend’s MIL knows she loves black olives. She’ll polish off a whole can every now & again, she’s that much of a fan. Unfortunately, her MIL is a fan of the Bigger Is Better school of thought, which translates to:

A huge metal tin of black olives. It’s the size of those big-ass 3-4L ketchup tins you can get at Costco. Yes, the ones that restaurants use to refill the small-by-comparison ketchup bottles on each table. Seriously. And the fact that it’s a metal - and therefore un-resealable - tin? Great! News! My friend will have to be in an olive-gorging mood to crack that baby open. She’s so peeved she’s sworn she will never open it.

Can you imagine?

Anyone have some good Bad Gift stories to share? Bring ‘em on!

Go on, you can say it: stop with the goddamn memes already!

I swear, I don’t normally do this many memes in such a short time frame, but I really like this one. Courtesy of Blue Moon Girl . This one was haaard. Hence the delay between start date (Dec 15) and finish date (tonight).

12 Days of Christmas

Directions: Write down the number that the question calls for – no more and no less!

12 People I’m Grateful For In My Life:
My husband, my two rotten children, my mom, my dad, my sister, D2, Special K, the Babes, D1, my inlaws (between the Babes & the ILs, I’m well past 12. (As K says, I follow the rules that suit me.)

11 Things I’d Put In A Time Capsule:
Ipod, CRT television, newspaper, DVD, CD, printed photos, land-line phone, 35 mm camera, MP3 player, cell phone, Blackberry (a little mix of things on the way out, and new stuff)

10 Things This Past Year Has Taught Me:
Oh hell. I don’t know: People are asshats. Other people are wonderful. I really love my kids. I really love my husband. I could do without all 3 sometimes. Kittens are cute, no matter what. I don’t really want to foster dogs anymore. I’m not a fan of bullshit. I have faith in my professional abilities. I agree with D when he says I’m smarter than him. (he he)

9 Things I Could Have Done Without:
Stephen “Creepy Uncle” Harper; Chimpy W. Bush; driving off the road with the kids in the van; an old friend’s sudden death; the seemingly endless march through ages 3 & 4 with Jack; the blossoming backtalker in Austin; the boneheaded, dumbass things D did; baby B’s health scare; health issues of my own, centralized in my Girly Bits.

8 of the Best Books I’ve Read and/or Movies I’ve Seen (this year only):
Movies: Da Vinci Code; Thank You For Smoking; The Lake House. Books: The Kite Runner; Helen of Troy; Something Borrowed; A Breath of Snow & Ashes, Missing Mom

7 Things I’ve Done to Make the World A Better Place:
Fostered 25 kittens; kept one of those 25 kittens for myself; raised money for the local SPCA; took in 3 athletes during a sporting event; stayed on the board of our daycare and dealt with the EvilEmployeeFromHell issue; tried to teach my children to think of others; recycled (ok, so my “world” is pretty small, but I’m doing my part)

6 Things I’d Like The New Year To Bring:
More SPCA volunteers, fewer animals to re-home, relief from financial stresses, a great diet that isn’t really a diet, non-fighting children, a cure for my sister’s diabetes.

5 Gifts I’d like To Give:
A new car to my sister; new golf clubs to my husband; a sporty truck to my husband; limitless $$ to the SPCA; a brain to the clueless fucks of the world

4 Non-Tangible Gifts I’d Like To Receive:
The ability to quiet my inner critic; more patience with my children; ……

3 Tangible Gifts I’d Like To Receive:
Canon Digital SLR camera, HD television, PVR for the satellite

2 Favorite Holiday Memories:
Going visiting with our parents on Boxing Day every year as kids; having my two act as Santa’s elves on Xmas morning.

1 Thing That Surprised Me Most This Year:
How much pleasure I took in passing all my courses and obtaining another professional designation. I didn’t expect that.